Have you ever found yourself yelling at another person for no reason? I’ve found myself doing this more than I would like to admit. I didn’t like that I was so quick to react and say things that I didn’t mean. I decided I wanted to stop doing this and found 5 ways that can actually help stop this quick, impulsive behavior. I will share them with you shortly.
When you face these moments in your life, you need to realize what you are doing. You need to understand that you can either react or respond to a situation. React and response sound like they are the word, but they have two different meanings. Here is how I differentiate between the two terms. Reacting doesn’t include thought; It’s an emotional take-over of the brain. Responding to a situation requires intelligent thought and includes facts. Let me give you an example of a situation that happened to me recently that will help you understand the difference a little better.
The phone company has been billing me for a charge to an account that doesn’t exist, I already disputed it and had a reference number to prove it. The next thing I know, I’m receiving a call from a bill collector saying I owe money for this same non-existent account. I have been dealing with this situation for months and am highly irritated that it hasn’t been resolved.
I feel like no one is listening to me and am severely frustrated.I feel the blood pressure rising. This is the point where I usually lose control and impulsively react. But I stopped myself. At that moment, I made the decision to think before I spoke and took a deep breath. I decided to respond with facts, not emotions. I rattled off the reference number that I was provided at an earlier time from the phone company and explained that I had already disputed these charges because this phone number is not mine. The bill collector replied with directions on how to dispute this charge through them and put the dispute back on to the phone company. I wrote down the information and followed the instructions.This was the last time I had to speak with anyone about this issue and it was finally resolved.
What do you think would have happened if I decided to lose my temper with the bill collector? I am confident that nothing productive or positive would have happened, that’s for sure. I would have yelled, my blood pressure would have continued to rise, the bill collector would not appreciate it and definitely didn’t deserve the abuse. The same information would have been provided to me, regardless of my behavior. It would have taken longer to get there, and my anger would have continued for a long time afterward.
When I realized that I have a choice, and I am the one in control, it helped me make the right decision to respond and not react. If you are like me and are prone to react instead of respond, you may want to try to incorporate these 5 methods into your life to help you overcome reactionary behavior.
1. Remove yourself from the situation until you can think with clarity.
Emotions are powerful and can appear during the most inconvenient times. Regardless of where you are, I highly recommend finding an escape route if you feel an outburst coming on. It’s much better to leave a situation and cool off, rather than spout off words in anger. When you are absent from the negative setting, even if it’s for a couple minutes, it helps you to gain a little perspective. Take this moment away to take a deep breath as this will aid in your emotional recovery.
2. Realize you are in control of your actions.
We are all in control of our own actions. It’s easy to say “look what you made me do.” But in reality, another person is not actually in control of anyone else’s actions but their own. They may have instigated an issue with you, but they are not responsible for your reaction. When a feeling a strong emotion, such as anger, it’s up to us to decide what to do with it. Yelling at another person might feel satisfying at that moment, but chances are, what you end up saying without thought, will be something you will regret.
3. Understand you have a choice to play the victim.
It’s easy to play the role of victim and put the blame on someone else. But the longer you do this, the worse you will feel. This does not help anyone and does not solve the real issue. Stop playing the victim and start figuring out a better path in life, one that makes you feel empowered.
4. Dig deeper to try to find what triggered this emotion.
Most triggers that lead to anger are caused by fear, pain or frustration. Try to figure out what is actually bothering you. This might help you to realize that the little things you think are the issue are not the real issue at all. Once this is figured out, you can solve the real problem and move on to bigger and better things in life.
5. Always stick to the facts. Leave emotions out of it.
Following this step will save you from making a fool out of yourself. When you are presenting facts, you will sound intelligent and may even solve the issue at hand. When I sense that I’m going to lose my cool, I actually think those words “stick to the facts.” My Dad used to say that to me all the time when I had a work issue. I had no regrets when I took this approach. When I thought it through and had the facts to prove my point, I felt much more satisfied to have facts to back me up and confirm why I felt the way that I did. It’s a win/win.
You will be faced with the decision to either react or respond periodically. Try to incorporate these different methods into your life to avoid an impulse reaction, and you will find you’ll experience less stress and more tranquility.
